In keyboarding.. im 20 minutes into class and I'm already done.. >.<
ANYWAY.. sigh.. tomorrow I'm prolly going to have "I"'s in 2 classes because I couldn't get here early enough to go and clear stuff with my teachers..
MY theory on this is that my madre told my grandmother [who I had asked to take me because she was leaving anyway] that I couldn't go becuase she thinks I'm going to go.. see Will or something.. sigh..
Or just make trouble or something..
But oh well.. I'm just going to try and make it past these next few years without going mental or something terribley tragic like that..
.. I told my parents I wanted to change.. I don't think they believe me though..
I really do..
I must be sick or something.. Isn't it a bit weird for a teenager to actually care about the way she makes her parents feel..
I think something is majorly wrong with this cenario..
But maybe it's just me.. I really want them to be proud of me..
But.. it looks like I can't get anywhere with them for a really long time...
I know it's my fault.. by at least I've taken the first step..
I don't talk to the same people anymore.. the people that were my best friends from the moment I came to PG.. are now.. people I put aside for my parents.. Hannah and I.. gone..
There is no "Hannah and I" anymore.. Morgan.. heh that's been over a long time.. even Will, one of my best friends.. and I'm trying everything I can not to kill myself over guilt..
I'm trying to put myself around people my mom and would like to see me with.. I mean Michaela is one of my best friends and has really helped me.. but she's also someone my parents would.. find joy in seeing me hanging out with her.. Shainee is the same.. Katy, Kelsey.. they are the .. better friends of mine.
I don't know.. all I want to do now is just move back to Texas with one of my family members or something and just get to have the joy of seeing my best friend everyday..
She's the one and only thing I actually want right now.. everything else could crash and burn around ,me and if she was here all we would do is dance all night to techno, talk about our teenage problems, and discuss the best movies of the year. We would enjoy ourselves..
I'm such a fuck up..
But I think we've established that already..
Before you ask which way to go, remember where you've been
Stay awake, get a grip and get out
You're safe from the weight of the world
Just take a second to set things straight
I'll be fine even though I'm not always right
I can count on the sun to shine
Dedication takes a lifetime
But dreams only last for a night
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