Jamie All Over

...Grr..
I'm kinda worried... :/
Why?
Cause there's this thing.. that happened over summer.. I wasn't eating.. at all.. and if I did... very little... and it wasn't good.. but I was in and out of this.. a lot.. and I would binge, then not eat and after I did that I would get really really hungery and the right side of my ribs would hurt... and they do now.. and I've been eating alot.. : / its not good.. and people are like, "Just go eat something." but here's the thing. I can't. If I put anything towards my mouth I freak out and end up throwing it up later.. I really can't help it though... Cause it's just.. hard to.. IDK... its bad enough to not be the one in control..  :[ I've gained a good amount of weight back.. 10 lbs or so.. maybe 13? something like that... and.. I'm not going to lie, I don't have a problem losing some weight.. but.. It wouldn't be weight.. it end up being all the muscele I've gained and I don't want to lose that.. : / ya I would lose my fat too but... thats different...  but anyway.. oh, Michaela.. if I end up going back to that [I hope I don't.. :/ ] but you can't force me to eat hun.. it doesn't work like that.. It's a fucked up disorder and trying to force me to do something can only make things worse... :[ but maybe I'm just being paranoid.. my mind is messed.. and always has been ;]] [trying to be positive...]

To look on the bright side, end of the term is tomorrow, and I have "C"'s in.. 2-3 of my classes? A "D" and 2 "B"'s the rest are "A"'s but... >.< ya I know.. they all dropped cause of the masteries and I  just...haven't...been...turning...in my... *cough* papers... I mean!

Rawr..
PEN15.
:]

Today has been pretty good for the most part though.. had fun in Biology.. *wink wink nudge nudge*.. :D well.. I got to leave.. prolly going to go and take pics at home wit Kinya.. people request them on Facebook...


BOOM FACEBOOK!

peace out ☮