Hello Brooklyn

I have butterflies...
It's weird.... I don't really know why..
I kinda have a feeling like... when I get home.. my mom isnt' going to be that happy or something.. I don't really know... it's really hard to explain..
And.. there's this guy... he gives me a smile everytime he sees me.. and I get that warm, fuzzy feeling in my tummy when I see him.. I don't know why.. he's been helping me get over a certain someone.. and he's not some average druggie that I've been usually hanging out with :].. Yea.. he plays football, and loves it.. he gives great hugs.. he wears skinny jeans and has flippy skater hair :],but.. I know that my parents wouldn't like me "going out with him" or something... But.. he's a good friend either way..
But.. I feel... terrible.. in a way.. because of.. Will, plainly.. what happened between us, needed to happen.. we're still friends, I talk to him.. but.. because I want to make my mom and dad happy.. we've seperated.. I miss it, I'm not going to lie.. sigh..
Well, today was fun.. in first peroid.. Michaela sent me a chocolate rose.. [everytime I hear that I think.. chocolate rain!!] and it was yummy :] thank you doll..
Sosaiah and I have a new dance move... it's called the "red belt"... ;] its hawt..

..Anyway.. I did something.... rather unexpected.. I wasn't doing so good the other day.. and for the first time.. in.. Man who knows how long.. and prayed.. to the God I was convinced, didn't really exist... I pray with everything I knew was longing inside of me.. and asked that if he was real.. to help me.. and I was so sorry.. for everything I had done.. and I said it with such intent.. it scared me.. I was unfamiliar with it.. and as I was about to stop praying.. when I remembered my seminary teacher, Bro. Rhea, say.. to listen, as much as you pray.. so I did.. the first.. and I had prayed.. I had prayed a long time.. So I stayed.. and held my eyes closed.. and.. I felt.. safe... the first in a long time.. I felt... breathless... Like someone was giving me a great hug :] and I didn't want it to go away.. I stayed there.. 10 minutes or so.. tears streaming my eyes... I.. I don't know.. I felt... bad about just about everything I had ever done.. I didn't know what to do.. so I went and played my guitar in my room.. thinking of everything that had just happened to me.. and how foreign it was.. I wanted to tell my parents.. but I was scared.. they would just think I was saying it so I could.. do things.. but.. this was.. different.. I don't know what to do.. I want them to know I'm doing something.. I've given up a lot for them.. and they don't know about any of it.. because I'm scared to death of what they'll think.. If I'm just trying to manipulate them or something.. that's how I would feel.. but I'm not.. I'm....---I'm not......

I want to get out and experience things.. but I.. I would rather have the trust about my parents back.. A lot of my friends think I'm abnormal.. heh, but it's true.. I hate myself for doing what I have... I just hope that one day.. I can make things right.. and they'll believe me...